Get Names Right

Scene: a very sunny day at the local cricket ground, where I’m the Junior Coordinator. The head coach was running a cricket festival for local primary schools, and I was umpiring one of the pitches. I would discover later that day that I did not put enough suncream on the back of my legs, but at this stage I was blissfully unaware.

Every year the coach and I have a friendly competition to see who can learn the most names of the ~40 odd kids who are there to play; we’re both pretty good with names so it always comes down to one or two!

I know the majority of one of the teams in this game already; my son goes to school with them, and there were only a couple of kids in the team I’d never met before. Unfortunately my hubris got the better of me, and I had committed a cardinal sin: memorising the wrong name.

“Bella!” I called, “It’s your turn to bowl.” ‘Bella’ sheepishly approaches. She hasn’t said much all game, but I vaguely recognised her as a quiet child. I hadn’t thought more of it until a voice behind me said “Her name isn’t Bella”.

I turned, surprised. I was sure I had her name right. “Sorry, what was that?” I queried. The kid behind me repeated himself politely: “Her name is Isabelle, not Bella.” I looked at the girl, and she nodded.

At this point I was quietly mortified. People get my name wrong All The Time, and it’s one of those things that’s extremely frustrating, but also Exhausting, when you have to correct people constantly. The response ranges from a cheerful apology to abject mortification, and although it’s always received with thanks, it takes energy I don’t always have to give feedback I know they’re going to be embarrassed to hear. It doesn’t feel like it’s that hard to check the spelling before you write someone’s name!

I take a quiet pride in ensuring I get people’s names right, yet here I was subjecting a child to my pet hate. Fortunately, Isabelle had an ally on her side; a friend with the confidence to speak up on her behalf so that she didn’t have to.

I apologised to Isabelle for getting her name wrong, and thanked the boy who had corrected me, who nodded, said “You’re welcome” with a smile on his face, and went back to fielding.

The point here is this: If you have a colleague or a friend who has an unusual name, or is consistently misgendered - even if they’re confident, outspoken, and will correct people when they’re wrong - take an opportunity to correct people for them; they will appreciate it. Be an ally by removing one unnecessarily exhausting moment from their lives.

If a 10 year old boy can do it, None of us have any excuse!